i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
