is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
