White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
