He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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