mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize