Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
