don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
me + whiskey = a bad person
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
