Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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