dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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