you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
