It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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