I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
