My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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