How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
