I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
