My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
