well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
