allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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