i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
