I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
