how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
