you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
