its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
