Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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