I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
