I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
