dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
