It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
