i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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