I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
