I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
