It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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