I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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