so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
