I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
