like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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