You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
