So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
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I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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