Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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