I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
