Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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