There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
