ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
