if i can run in heels then i can drive
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
