Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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