I think my fart just growled at me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
