O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
