You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
