Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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