Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
