im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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