his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
