How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
