My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
