i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
