I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
