i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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