I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
