don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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