Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
