after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
