Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
