Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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