I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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