Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My ass is underappreciated
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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